You’re weird, no offence.
Adding the pseudo-suffix “no offence” at the end of a statement is our culture’s adopted neutralizer, when making a statement that may offend. If you haven’t heard of it, well…you’re living under a rock, no offence. :) My recent experience with this came from a 17-year old who told me only old people wear their hair parted on the side, from which my middle-aged insecurity took over and I’ve adopted the center part; the power of teenage girls should never be contested!
I’ve also witnessed this when working with teams, where it’s a good piece of evidence that we’re not comfortable having honest conversations, omitting the option to dialogue beyond offering an unsupported opinion. Having them is hard, mostly because bold statements and silence book-end the (lack of) dialogue happening. Be sure though, if there aren’t honest conversations then you’re not getting all the information needed as a leader to respond to inevitable bumps in meeting goals.
It’s a balancing act - too much honesty and the goals are thwarted by the loud, contrarian voices, and too little results in stagnation. To create a culture that makes people comfortable enough to share while controlled enough to stay within clear boundaries is easier said than done. Getting there isn’t easy either.
Clarity about the objective when sharing is most necessary, what is the ‘why’?! A reminder when engaging your groups is a good place to start, helping focus the attention on the work, the task at hand, the goals, whatever it may be, drawing out the honest feedback that pushes work forward.
Having a process in place for what and how to share equalizes the delivery, with a focus on information. Blatantly asking what’s working, what’s not and what would help is an easy, all-encompassing go-to. Also, a round-robin structure gives everyone the chance (and responsibility) to contribute.
If this is a new way for you and your teams to engage, digitizing the process can be a good segue to inclusivity and honesty. Mentimeter https://www.mentimeter.com is my favourite go-to, easily accessible during in-person or virtual meetings, and seamlessly moving between analog and digital; our smartphones will do the trick! If you’re especially confident that those outspoken voices are not the majority it can serve as a concrete snapshot of where everyone stands, graphs, word clouds and charts abound, especially when you’re in need of those mic-drop moments. Lastly, and I swear there is no sponsorship here, just a personal favourite of mine, it’s a great way to capture feedback from an especially large group.
If you want that honesty, and that is the implied crux of this post, then you need to ensure the conditions are in place for it. That’s all you, leader. The glory of taking on these impressive roles also comes with a whole pile of responsibility, and everyone’s looking to you to understand what they can do, say and not. If you’re looking for honesty be mindful of how you respond to it...as you will create the conditions of how it will continue.
Which brings me to my last suggestion - offer your own vulnerability first. Of course this depends on your culture, but there’s no quicker way of getting people to share honestly than vulnerably offering your own frustration, disappointment, screw-up, etc. as part of the hiccup in a current problem. This secret sauce has to be delivered from the heart, there’s no way to fake it. So, if you’re going to try it on for size, know that people’s instincts will pick up if you’re no being yourself. But if you are, then you can sit back and watch the magic happen as others bring their honesty to you and then you can really start to tackle your goals!