It’s time to get real.

Increasingly, leaders I work with are uttering profanities in our conversation. This can be a reflection of many things (including their comfort with me, I hope), but my observation of the pattern is also linked to their fatigue in putting up a front and as a result the need to blow off some steam….and get real.

Being real at work and as a leader isn’t easy. Let’s face it, how you show up as a leader is important, and showing up as the best version of yourself will lead to the greatest impact on your team. That best version, however takes effort, like holding back from barrating your direct report for asking the same question for the third time. So as we all navigate that dance between being ourselves and doing what we know we need to do, the definition of who we ‘really’ are becomes blurred, including to ourselves. 

Of course, this is compounded with the increasingly complex pressures of work, as well as of life. Any given day is a series of tasks to complete, helping to meet broader goals, all while balancing the unplanned emergencies that come from left field. Tie this to the expectations we have of ourselves in the ways we show up - to create influence, to manage people, to drive outcomes, and all the additional responsibilities at play. When you show up to lead, and accomplish all these responsibilities, do you know where the real you and the expected you begin and end? Most of us don’t. 

Contributing to this is the necessity to perform a role, especially in being a leader. Even leading up to leadership there are performances we all must embrace in order to fit in. The standard corporate atmosphere asks us to prove ourselves, which results in rising and shining stars jostling for attention to show how much better they are from peers. Of course the evidence of talent can vary amongst all, but often the results of these efforts lead to new leadership positions. 

The role-playing continues. Imposter syndrome is a common term by now, and we come by it honestly, having to perform once again in a new role, finding the balance of who we are and what’s expected of us…all in real time. If you’re able to survive this for a while you begin to self-edit what’s working and what’s not, all while balancing the real you, either through deliberate reflection or the impacts of your environment. And then, over time, and usually over years and various roles, we emerge from the fire with a toolbox of skills balanced with our true selves. 

This is the place when we get real, and it’s also the place where we have the greatest influence on the full circle around us.