Validation, when is it enough?!

Validation can be very helpful, we can all agree with that. When we’ve had an experience that jars some type of stress reaction there’s often an interval of time that we take to understand it, starting in our own heads. Sometimes I get to be a sounding board for those leaders experiencing the echoes, when they are a part of the world of work. I’m often that safe space, that sounding board, that venting vessel where the pent up frustrations spill over to a “can you believe this happened?” conversation. And I honour being trusted with that responsibility. 

Now, with my focus in development I have the belief that change is needed, which requires the leader doing something new. This is how I enter conversations, this is how I speak with leaders, this is how I function in the world. So when leadership shares the current situation at hand and the residual output of emotion has allowed some deflation and calm to return to their minds, I begin to turn the conversation to: and now what? 

This is what I’m hired to do, so I’m very mindful of that role and providing value for my services. However recently I have been told flat out: I just need the validation. 

So, I bit my tongue. And it also sent me into an introspective tailspin of reflecting on my value. If my role is sometimes only to listen and validate, how is that helping?! 

I realized that this is a me problem, not a them problem. Getting better, and helping others get better is my raison d’etre; it’s the central gravitational force that drives me. And I like action and results - so when I’m presented with a situation I’m looking for the entry point in making that situation better - enter development. It’s almost a mathematical equation in my mind: approach + situation = improved results. Who wouldn’t want that?! If you’ve hired me then you likely have a growth mindset and desire development….just not always.

And so, my reflective stance has adjusted my focus not on the who, but on the when. The timing and entry point of development is crucial. (I already know this, but as many of us do, there’s a gap between knowing and doing).  

This post is about how I’m curbing my disposition (which is its own form of development - enter irony), because of some recent feedback from leaders. After all, it’s about you, not me, and so I’m responding to the moment and my need to keep my mouth shut! 

I share this as a reminder to us all that our strengths are often also our weaknesses, and therefore none of us are perfect. Those of us who have an ongoing drive for better have a hard time hearing that, which is exactly why I’m writing it here; sometimes our strengths need a little recess.