Give more attention to find balance.
The new year brings intentions that often balance more dominant parts of who we are and how we live, reflecting a range of goals, from being more assertive with expectations of your team to integrating mindfulness practices into daily routines. As I hear leaders share this desire for balance I’m struck by how their vision is of a static state, like they’re on a quest to find the one sweet spot, and that intention will satisfy a gap and a ‘new normal’ will neatly continue. Unfortunately, this isn’t how it works.
Often balance is viewed as finding the grey within the polarities of black and white. One end reflects those energetic accomplishments while the other nurtures our souls. When I speak of balance with leaders I refer to an image of a QR code, with those vast squares of black and white lining up in a multitude of patterns. What I like about this is the lack of dilution which all those squares represent. The extreme of black and white is muted when there are multiples of each, varying with each pattern. It’s like our own attributes, some bold and domineering while others are tepid and passive, presenting themselves in response to any given situation.
When we’re unbalanced, the classic yin/yang symbol comes to mind, and reminds us all that the opposite always exists within the extreme; although someone appears aggressive, there is still peace in them, and likewise those that appear passive have a fire that’s always burning. And we all feel this way at times, seeking to expand the opposite in us, as we let our dominant traits take over; this time of year is full of intentions that do just that.
The problem we get into when incorporating an opposite trait is we often see the simple addition of a counter-balance as enough to minimize that proverbial black or white. That check-box approach doesn’t take into account all the varying contexts everyday situations present us with and how the need for a complexity of traits are required to respond; enter QR code. It also doesn’t allow for when those extremes are needed - the aggressive instinct to pull your child away from a speeding car, and the gentle care with which you console them because of their increased fear. Even in small moments we can jump from one extreme to the other, I’m sure you have your own examples from a work context as well.
Rather than the absolute commitment of integrating a less dominant trait, remind yourselves that you have them, you’ve used them and start paying attention to how much black and white are showing up in each situation, and where a small shift would be helpful.