Give more attention to find balance.
The new year brings intentions that often balance more dominant parts of who we are and how we live, reflecting a range of goals, from being more assertive with expectations of your team to integrating mindfulness practices into daily routines. As I hear leaders share this desire for balance I’m struck by how their vision is of a static state, like they’re on a quest to find the one sweet spot, and that intention will satisfy a gap and a ‘new normal’ will neatly continue. Unfortunately, this isn’t how it works.
Often balance is viewed as finding the grey within the polarities of black and white. One end reflects those energetic accomplishments while the other nurtures our souls. When I speak of balance with leaders I refer to an image of a QR code, with those vast squares of black and white lining up in a multitude of patterns. What I like about this is the lack of dilution which all those squares represent. However, the extreme of black and white is muted when there are multiples of each, varying with each pattern. It’s like our own attributes, some bold and domineering while others are tepid and passive, presenting themselves in response to any given situation.
When we’re unbalanced, the classic yin/yang symbol comes to mind, and reminds us all that the opposite always exists within the extreme; although someone appears aggressive, there is still peace in them, and likewise those that appear passive have a fire that’s always burning. When this state becomes a general way of being is when we begin to feel unbalanced, and often appears glaringly within interpersonal relationships. That when we begin to regret our actions and can even get into hot water; depending on your role, the behaviours can impact your team, impede partnerships requiring collaboration, amongst many other undesirable consequences. We’ve all been there, letting our dominant traits take over, and it’s when we look to change, to expand the opposite in us; this time of year is full of intentions with that desire.
The problem we get into when incorporating an opposite trait is we often see the simple addition of a counter-balance as enough to minimize that proverbial black or white. That check-box approach doesn’t take into account all the varying contexts everyday situations present us with and how the need for a complexity of traits are required to respond; this is why I like the image of a QR code, everything we need is already there and just needs reorganizing. The narrow focus also doesn’t allow for when those extremes are needed - the aggressive instinct to pull your child away from a speeding car, and the gentle care with which you console them because of their increased fear. Even in small moments we can jump from one paradigm to the other, I’m sure you have your own examples from a work context as well.
Rather than the absolute commitment of integrating a less dominant trait, remind yourselves that you already have them, you’ve incorporated these desired traits as you’ve needed them so paying attention to how much black and white are showing up in each situation will help you identify where a small shift would be helpful. The mix of black and white is ever changing, and needs to be responsive. Your awareness in the moment will incorporate those desired traits as you need them. When you’re paying attention in the moment the balance will find itself.