Don’t Tell Me What to Do; Help Me Understand
“Don’t tell me what to do”, is the default position most of us face when we’re told what to do…or how to act…or what to think. If I’m being honest, I must reflect on how my own resistance to being told what to do has resulted in a career devoted to helping others understand. Certainly there is a link, but I’ll save it for another time.
Whether it’s an overt thought in our heads or some bodily reflex that nowadays would be described as ‘cringe’, most of us don’t like to be told what to do, decision-makers included; what a conundrum leaders find themselves in! But things need to be done, often differently, increasingly faster, and the delta between leaders needing to ‘just do it’ and employees resisting with ‘we’ve always done it this way’ widens without understanding.
Decision-makers spend so much time understanding problems, why they are problems, how they became problems, exploring what to do about them, weighing options, and choosing a path forward. Even that sentence carries a weight of time and effort! But it’s that deep understanding that results in confidence in decisions; this is a good thing!
Think for a moment how much time, how many people and how many passionate deliberations are part of defining what’s going on and how to best move forward. Now think of the delivery to those who are being told what to do differently. Understanding is the bridge between knowing about something and ‘getting it’. And once we understand what’s needed then self-motivation begins to take over, even if we’re not thrilled about it (your sub-conscience excels at sending you these reminder messages).
It should be noted that nobody has to love what needs to be done, sometimes it’s just what has to be done.
What it takes to understand for the decision-makers is not what all staff need. However, there are a few ingredients that can help accelerate understanding, including sharing the drivers for change, sharing why this answer is the best option, and simply asking people to try. This last one is magic when leaders are sincere.
Nowadays, most leaders aren’t dropping directives to employees and expecting them to fall in line. However the pressures and complexities have increased and the need to act quickly, often, is becoming more common. Mitigating how communication is delivered can easily fall by the wayside when the stakes are high, and leaders’ urgency may not be felt by employees; this reminder is to include a runway of understanding helping to minimize future frustrations.