Calling out BS…respectfully.
We have all had those moments when we’re sitting in a meeting and our head tilts in response to someone’s comment or behaviour. Your eyes scan the room looking for confirmation from others: did they really just do that?! You’re not getting a clear picture if anyone else has noticed, until your eyes land on your buddy - yup, they noticed it too.
Distracting behaviours are just that - a distraction from getting things done. We’re all guilty of it, as thankfully none of us are perfect, however there are those whose general personality shows up with such power it keeps your goals stagnant.
Nobody wants this.
I find that the archetypes driving these moments usually fall into the categories listed below. Fictional characters come to mind, with my own experiences including the likes of Michael Scott, Doctor Evil and Morticia Addams, and these visuals tempered my frustrations with a dose of humour. We all have to cope sometimes! :)
The Dunce - doesn’t know what they’re talking about, either they’re uninformed or lack the capacity to understand.
The Keener - in their eagerness to impress, they share an opinion or perspective that’s blatantly sucking up, perhaps because they don’t have much else to offer.
The Distractor - bringing up random information to deter attention from the main topic, likely as a way to avoid change/ taking ownership of their work.
The Joker - off putting humour when the stakes are high and likely a result of feeling discomfort with the tension; I can appreciate this one when the timing is right! ;)
The Whiner - nothing ever goes well in this person’s life (at least is their perception) and so they focus on sucking up everyone else’s energy.
The Narcissist - loves to hear the sound of their own voice, often flirting with the big boss.
The Snake - smiling incessantly while peppering coy comments to ignite reaction in others.
The Contrarian - they challenge others as a sport, sometimes to flaunt how much more they know…or to avoid doing the work.
The Rude Dude(ette) - less competent than the contrarian, but lacks that awareness, and with a belief that cynicism equates intelligence.
The Ego - there’s only one right opinion and it’s theirs, which will become apparent when they squash all others in their fury.
We’ve all seen these examples and others, and the impact when they’re not called out. It’s not easy to do, especially depending on your role, the overall dynamics and culture, and how badly you want to keep your job. Staying silent tends to be the default go-to, which is satisfactory in the short term, but when it continues it festers into dysfunction and an unproductive culture.
Regulating group dynamics while you’re also focusing on problem-solving through content is a nearly impossible balancing act for our brains. This is where having an outsider can make a big difference especially if there’s a formality to the meeting, helping to interrupt, redirect or ignore with neutral delivery; including some examples below:
Calling on those who are quieter to formally engage.
Playfully pointing out the obviousness of the behaviour.
Asking plainly for other opinions.
Providing a formal report that brings issues to the surface, linking to productivity (in a longer engagement).
Silently pausing to draw awareness to the discomfort.
Asking the person to partake in a special task or errand, removing them from the space for a short time.
If your planning group, executive team or board would benefit from an outside facilitator, I would love to help. My neutral presence helps to get your groups engaged and focused, clarifying goals and defining commitment. It is also validating for leaders to have an outsider recognize the distractions and a relief to have them addressed!